I’m not sure what it is, or how to be it – all I know is that it’s something I haven’t been for a long time.
Sometimes it’s forgotten about and I’ll ride out a wave thinking that I’ve found it, that I’ve become it, and I’ll just bask in that warmth, either lying to myself or living in sweet ignorance.
Everything is okay.
But other times, the gentle waves become a tsunami that I wasn’t ready for, and I struggle to stay afloat, to keep swimming until I can find land – something to hold onto. It always seems that when these tsunamis occur, storms pour down from above, and sea monsters try to tug me down to their depths below. Either way, I’m drowning.