Running In Circles

by cknguyener

Life works in cycles. Just count how many remakes come out in theaters every year. Flared jeans? I thought we’d gotten rid of that evil long ago. How did it find its way back into our lives? And don’t get me started on bellybutton tattoos.

Just as the seasons have changed, so have my feelings. That’s how it should be, and that’s all I’ve ever known: Temporary joy, followed by anger or sadness (or a bit/lot of both), followed by stoicism and a whole new level of “done” and then one day, I’m just over whatever it was. And I don’t even think about it anymore. And I find temporary happiness again, somewhere else, in something or someone else.

It’s what I’ve accepted as the way of life, and I’m okay with it. But when the temporary happiness wants to regenerate in the form of something that once brought me happiness (as well as anger and/or sadness), that’s when I’m not so okay with it.

Because I can’t control emotions. I can’t cage them. I have to let them run wild and I have to just try to keep up, which is hard for me because I don’t run. Cardio has not been and never shall be my friend, and neither shall metaphorical cardio. But that is another thing that I’ve learned and accepted in my short 20-something years of life. Feelings cannot and should not be contained.

Plus, I’m sort of a control freak.

So here comes that temporary happiness again, and I’m afraid to admit it’s coming back in you. Someone who has brought me much anger (in myself) and sadness (in many things). But before that, much happiness. I’m hoping that I’m wrong, that it’s just the oncoming summer, that’s making me reminiscent of good times. But I remember October and I remember January, and if we’re as seasonal as life is, I better get ready to run.