Twenty Four

It’s funny to think about where you thought you’d be at certain ages growing up. When I was in the Fourth Grade, I planned out my entire life by age, with a very specific timeline: 18 – graduate high school. 22 – finish college. 24 – married, maybe with a kid on the way. 27 – second kid on the way. 50 – kids have left me, and the hubs and I can finally go travel.

Now I’m terrified at the idea of having children so soon, not to mention being married. Some might call it a fear of commitment, but I call it “not settling.” I have new goals now, and they are 80% career-related. That’s what I’m committed to. I want to attempt to reach my goals while I still have the youthful yearning  and energy to complete them. Not to say that having children in your twenties keeps you from reaching your goals, but I just want to be able to zip off to New York for an event anytime I’d like, without worries or guilt. (Of course, the idea of having kids after 30, and having two generations between my children and myself, is equally as terrifying, but that’s another issue for another blogpost.)

The point is – I’m selfish. That’s why I don’t even have a dog, as much as I die over videos of baby rottweilers. But I think your twenties should be all about “you.” That’s the age range where every decision you make ultimately shapes the rest of your life, whether pertaining to career paths, starting a family, or your own understanding of yourself. It’s the real age of “growing up” and it’s the time you should begin to accept that.

I’m turning 24 in two days. I’m not married and hopefully don’t have any kids on the way (bad joke). I’m nowhere near reaching my career goals, but I’m taking baby steps. I may not have a clear path, but I’m following the stars, and I think if I stay focused, no matter how lost and existential I feel, I’m going to get there. And I have confidence in that. I might not believe in much, but I believe in that. Maybe it’s not about timelines, but about outlines. Accomplishing the to-do list, as opposed to due dates (no pun intended). And all I have to do is remember to have faith that I can, and that I will, and I will. Age is just perspective.

Honestly, as long as the hubs and I can still go traveling at 50, I’m good.